Reflections
Now that the old year is comming to an end, it is time to reflect on what has happened this last year, good and bad, and think about what the New Year may bring.
We have had a lot of highs and lows, and somehow i cant help but wonder what i could or should have done differently.
The major things that have affected me are the reunion with my son (we have had some problems in the past, but who doesnt have problems with their children), and the death of my father.
Unfortunatly the time never came to have the open talk with my father which i would have wished for. There are so many unanswered questions, and now i will never receive the answers i need. Yes i should have had the guts to face him years ago, but somehow i had always hoped he would be man enough to realise that he would have to make the first move and explain a few things from the past. (I think i have my stubborness and pride from him)
Maybe he just erased the memory out of his mind, or maybe he had hoped that i (we) had forgotten about it. Who knows. Am i angry?? No not really, i think im just sad that so much time has gone by, and that i was never able to tell him what his action had done to us children, and how it afffected our lives as grown ups.
Parents dont really understand that everything they do affects how their children grow up, or what kind of life they lead in the future. Maybe that is why i am more inclined to forgive the things that my son does, and try, no matter what, to help him and his little family.
I think it must have been very sad for my father to die, knowing that he had not made his peace with the family. Somehow you always think you have enough time, and suddenly it is over.
Now i know not to think about things that have gone wrong, because they can not be changed. I try to think about the good things that have happened and try only to remember the happy times we have all had together.
Life is too short to carry anger and hatred around with you. It just makes you bitter, and stops you from getting on with enjoying your life. Does it change anything?? NO
The New Year will bring a new life into our family. We are expecting a Grandaughter in January. That will be quite something to look forward to. The only drawback is that they live in England. But even so it is a highlite. Im wondering how our Grandson is going to take to his new sister.
Maybe we will be able to see a little more of our Grandchildren, (if my Husband doesnt have to work too much). That would be a highlite.
